Well, Ladies...we did it!!! What a day. We picked Rebecca up from work and took her out to the house she had shared with my mother. Caleb and I waited at a nearby church to follow Rebecca's wishes that we not go to the house. We called Naeemah to remind her to get a few essential papers and she said that Rebecca had too many things and that it would not all fit in their car. I offered to put some in my car and Caleb offered to store some things until she could come back and pick them up. Naeemah thought that would be a good idea but I told her she should ask Rebecca first. Rebecca agreed and we were on our way. Caleb and I reminded each other to be calm. We pulled up to the trailer and I felt immediate compassion for what my mother now called home. It is an unfortunate downgrade from owning her own home. She now lives in a rundown trailer overshadowed by a huge silo on a stinky farm. When we pulled up Rebecca was bringing out box after box. My mother was making her take ALL of her earthly possessions. I remember she made me do the same thing when I left for college. I had to bring everything I owned with me or it would be "thrown out". How embarrassing to show up to college with three times as much stuff as the other girls had. Rebecca must have felt the same way as we all watched her bring her things outside. She said that mom was sitting on the couch watching TV and she hadn't noticed Caleb and I had shown up. She went inside to get her dogs and came out looking rather angry. I heard her curse under her breath and say she was ready to leave. I asked her what had happened and she just walked past me to get into the car. We met up again at the church where Caleb and I had waited. We got out and Rebecca came to apologize to Caleb and I...we immediately told her no apology was needed. She said that mom had asked her if she knew anything about this...this being Caleb and I showing up. She told us that she said she didn't know but mom had still yelled at her. What a way to spend your last seconds with your daughter!!! Rebecca left without saying goodbye. I told Rebecca it was okay and that mom had just given her another reason to leave. I think that is my mother's way of "coping" so-to-speak. The sitting on the couch watching TV while Rebecca packed up the car...she was trying to send her the message that she doesn't care whether she stays or leaves. She cannot find the freedom to express the pain she is feeling so she reacts in anger or just ignores. She couldn't see past herself when she saw Caleb and I standing out there...she thinks it is all about her and she confronted Rebecca instead of saying goodbye. She stayed inside the WHOLE time. She didn't come to see Rebecca off even before we got there. Bizarre to an outsider...predictable to those of us who know her better than she knows herself!!
Rebecca's new home is like a "mansion" as she describes it. She says that she feels like an alien...someone trying to live in a foreign place. The kids she is living with are her age but just completely different beings having been given love and freedom in their lives. She may struggle to survive at times. Naeemah and Rebecca's mother was an alcoholic. Naeemah lived with her mother for a while but was emancipated and became the guardian of the younger children with the exception of Rebecca. Naeemah knows how to maneuver a dysfunctional parent and has been through similar experiences. Rebecca is in good hands. I think it will take a few days to set in but Rebecca is no longer in an oppressive lifestyle...now comes the hard part, owning what her past has created in her and changing what she needs to change. This part of healing is probably the hardest part...taking the steps towards responsibility!!! It was not easy, as we all know, to do what she did today...even if my mother made it a little easier by just being herself.
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