A little...,no a lot, ticked!

I occasionally google myself of people I know. We all do it so I feel no shame. Anyway, one person whom I google is my father. Let me give a little background. My parents dated for 7 years, apparently broke up 1 month before I was born, and my father has only laid eyes on me once when I was 10 days old. Never have I seen his his face, even in a picture. The reasons why are enough for a whole other post so I will leave that for another day. I have tried so many times to find him and contact him. Letters, phone calls, etc. He never responded...my father-in-law has even tried to contact him!!! Nothing....just silence. he could be my next door neighbor and I wouldn't even know it! Well, I know his name and that brings me back to my reason for being angry and, well, even hurt! I googled him today and I found out he is probably married... It hurts me that he can put effort into falling in love, or whatever, with a stranger but he can't put anything into me...I get nothing, nothing at all. I realized I had pictured him all these years or at least recently as emotionally handicap or something equivalent to broken hearted over me...how self centered, I know. I feel ridiculous. I just couldn't see how a man could make his choices and not be sorry for them. My life was railroaded because he left...why is his life not railroaded too. Why can't he choose to come back? Why can't he make it right? You know, I feel like those stork stories must be true. I had to have just been dropped from the sky one day...I don't feel like I have a father. I never have... It reminds me of a toy that is missing a piece...incomplete and nonfunctional. You can still use parts of it but the overall concept is...missing because of that one crucial part. Put me in the Good Will pile...I am a reject! I kind of feel like I have been cheated on...like I want to hurt all women with the name "Sandra".