(Another post from our family blog)
I feel like I have been through a transition in the last few months. I have let go of someone very precious and put my eyes onto opening up to other people who I can sympathize with, people of similar background. It has been so freeing. I feel lighter almost. I know that 99% of women are obsessed with the scale...if not now, you were at one point, or you are in denial. I think I am just happy the numbers aren't going up! I spent years of my youth violently obsessed with my weight and my body. Amazingly I was a thin child and teenager...weird. It was other circumstances in my life that could not allow me to look at my body in truth...plus I was an adolescent!! I often have bouts of that same obsession and run the risk of falling into old habits. I finally realized that my body, the way it is now, has served a beautiful purpose. It has been stretched and cut in order to grow, nurture, and welcome my two babies into this world. God certainly gives us the miracle of pregnancy and real human beings in the end...but he gave women the GIFT of being the ones to grow these little ones. If not for my body my children would not exist. I am here now, stretched and scared but with something beautiful to show for it. They are part of me emotionally and certainly physically. That must be why my husband still chases me around the room...he can see that beauty I had forgotten about! I am more beautiful than my body would suggest.
omg i just typed like two pages worth of things and my freakin computer refreshed. smh let me go again. to start SHE was and is not in my eyes a mom. she is a monster. what she did to u pisses me off. she is a monster. she think she a christian. wow. way off monster. she is evil. when she would abuse me the look in her eyes was just rage and anger that came outta nowhere. she is a monster. and a fake. i used to hate havin to come baq from school cuz i knew what, yes what, was waitin inside the house. smh she needs to get jail time. ashley, wen u left for college, i cried so much. and u know that. i now realise because i was scared that now i was gonna b unprotected. i saw u as a mother figure. and wen u left i felt abandoned in a sense. it hurt me for so long. i was happy for u too though cuz u were gettin outta that mess. mess is puttin it lightlt. we have so much to talk about. i know imma shed tears but we gotta work together. i am havin nightmares about her tryin to hurt me. i dont know what caused them all of a sudden but there here. and thety all seem so real. she was unhinged. a total bitcH. (excuse me) i'm so happy to hear that u are gettin ur life together.my is still in shambles. smh but i'm tryin. its just a constant battle. i love u sis . . .ALWAYS have nd ALWAYS will.
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C, I know where you are! Anger is part of getting past all that "stuff". Being able to acknowledge that something took place, that it was wrong and that you lost something in the process (your childhood among other things) is a big hurdle to overcome. I think I spent a few years (and still am) trying to get over what was lost and what I can never get back. Your childhood years are supposed to be carefree..ours were far from that, very far. I have to say to you...I did not have any idea what was going on for you in that house with "PQ"! I never knew:( You know, I actually felt like she kept all of "it" for me and spared you guys while I was still living there. I guess when I left she moved her focus. C, I can not say that I regret leaving when I did. You know that! I had to get out of there. I needed top break that "hold" she had. It was hard being on my own, esp. since I still had to speak to her. There is a lot more to say about all this and not enough space here. What are you doing to "overcome" all this stuff? Are you talking to "qualified" people?
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