So proud!!

I have had a good day...well most of my family could claim this as a good day for themselves. Rebecca called me last night saying she was nervous...she was going to talk to the detective in charge of the case against my mother and my brother. She felt guilty for not being loyal to her mother and her brother. She was afraid of getting sick during the interview. She was a mess. We talked about what would happen during this interview. I recalled what questions he had asked me so she could feel a little more prepared. I told her what made me call social services four and a half years ago. I knew what was going on in that house even though I hadn't spoken to any of them in 5 months...I felt a heaviness on me, a burden, to tell the truth. I had to get it out...like a moral obligation to stop something bad from happening. I had a responsibility to help those who couldn't help themselves...they were counting on me. I knew I could never face them 10 to 20 years down the road when they came to me and asked why I hadn't done anything to save them. What would I say...what would have been the truth by then, that I was too scared and too selfish to face the fear of my mother...even the fear that I would lose them forever. It was clear...it was the right thing to do. It almost felt easy to hold my fears and still know that the right would...well that it would just work out. In love I let them all go knowing somehow God was at hand and was going to clean up the mess. I told Rebecca that after she did what she could she would feel great. It would be a burden lifted and she'd feel lighter. She wouldn't have to hold onto the pain anymore. We could all rest in knowing my mother could not take in any more children and Preston would never be allowed to harm another child...ever! It would end with them and we could all move on from there. I told her to do it for herself knowing that someday she could rejoice in knowing she had stopped anyone else from being abused.

She sent me a text this morning thanking me for our talk and saying that she slept very well. She hadn't been feeling sick all morning although she was still nervous. I asked her to call me after she was done at the police station. When we finally spoke she sounded so...refreshed! She even said herself that she had done a good job. I laughed! She felt great! She said that the detective could see a difference in her because she was smiling now. He asked her the things I had prepared her for but then she said she just started spilling out other stuff. She had been afraid that she would clam up and not remember anything...that isn't what happened! She opened up and felt so much better. She was even excited and was so thankful she had gotten it all out. I told her I was so very proud of her. Just three months ago she called me one afternoon...in secret afraid she would get in trouble. Now here she was talking to the police about what she had endured. Amazing! She is looking at the future possibility of facing my brother in court and having to talk about what he did to her. I try to help her take it one day at a time. We can work on that over the next few months.

She is opposed to counseling. Boy, does that sound familiar. She told me that while she was in foster care she would have to go to these places and play with toys or draw. The people there would ask her why she was drawing what she drew and why she played with dolls or whatever else. they were trying to get her to open up but she shut down instead. She said it was because she still wanted to go home. I think it was just easier and felt safer to keep it all to herself. I always opposed counseling and resented those who asked me to go because that was for "crazy people". How dare someone say that to me. Why couldn't people just leave me alone...stay away from me if they didn't like what they saw in me. I was so offended and every time someone suggested counseling another brick went into the wall between me and the world! In the end I had to be "tricked" into going! I don't know what it will take to get Rebecca to want to talk to someone but that is my new goal. I want to see freedom in my sister...though after today I see her on her way!