The kids both had their yearly check-ups today. I scheduled them back to back so I could take them both in at the same time...NEVER AGAIN!! Maddie had to get her finger pricked and had a little trouble clotting from the stick. She was bleeding everywhere and Eli took advantage of my being distracted to take his turn on the elevator. Anyway, we went through the usual and short list of Eli's achievements. No surprise to anyone there...or so I thought. Eli's doctor asked if he and I had ever discussed more serious implications of Eli's condition...specifically his odd behaviors. I really thought he was leading into telling me he thought Eli had ADHD. I was ready for that...I thought he would suggest medication, etc. I was ready to refuse on principle and faith that we can handle Eli's behavior and outbursts. He didn't say a word about ADHD. He told me he was concerned Eli was showing signs of Autism Spectrum Disorder. I am sure my mouth dropped. We discussed it a little more and his doctor is referring us to a place in Atlanta that can do the official observation and make a diagnosis.
I am numb. It has been a long while since I have not been able to feel in a situation that should invoke a strong feeling. I expected ADHD...and I got Autism. This was supposed to be a routine visit and I get the shock of a lifetime...words a parent prays they never hear, "I think your son has Autism". God, when is enough enough. How much is one little boy supposed to handle? How much heartbreak is this mother and father going to be given? I feel so alone. I feel like God has forgotten about us. I don't know where to go or what to do. I just feel alone and forgotten. I feel that if I cried out to God all I would hear would be an echo. The sorrow and stress has rained down on our family today. Give me some peace...give me some hope...
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