Strength

Eli started school last Monday.  Evan and I had a rough time letting him go.  We knew this was the first day of a long school career and Eli wasn't a baby any longer.  We've known for months the long journey Eli had ahead of him and now it was beginning. 

As Madeline has continued to reach milestones in her life it has revealed to us just how much Eli has to overcome.  It is so painful, as his mother, to not have any way to just pour the knowledge and ability into him.  Why can't I hand him something so important?  Why can't my hugs and kisses make this better? 

He cried the first day.  He didn't know where he was and I had no way to help him understand where we were going and that mommy would come back to get him.  He cried the second day too.  The third day I saw something amazing in my son.  I walked him into the room.  He looked up at me with his lip quivering.  My heart just broke.  I gave him a kiss and a hug and a high five (of course!) and Maddie and I walked out of the room.  What strength my little boy has inside of him.  He has a character just like his father.  He is quiet but just solid as a rock.  He figures it out in his head and just does what he needs to do.  Yesterday both of his teachers told me how mature Eli is compared to the other children.  They were impressed how well he uses the bathroom on his own and does what they ask him to do.  I almost cried.  Hearing Eli's diagnosis devastated us.  It ripped the rug out from under our little family.  For over a year we've just been...down.  Down and sad and mourning over the challenges Eli would face.  Finally...FINALLY...he measured up.  I know the word "measure" sounds a little cold.  I have been looking at charts and statistics of where my son should be and where he was...I have been staring at the gaps and begging to be able to just carry him across the gap and bring him to a place he deserved to be.  Here he was shining bright in every place he was able.  What strength to overcome.  I'd like to take credit but Eli gets it all.  He has a long and challenging road ahead.  Honestly, right now, I am afraid.  I am afraid he won't be able to catch up.  But in spite of my fears for his future I still hope and I trust.  I trust his teachers.  I trust the people who tell me they have seen miracles in kids like him.  I trust God to build a character of endurance in my son.  It seems impossible here at the beginning.  I don't like waiting and I don't necessarily like trusting because it takes so freaking long sometimes...but I will so my very best to do these things because my Eli can do it!